This post is sponsored by Maize Quest Fun Park. Thank you for inviting us to spend an afternoon at your farm!
We recently spend a Saturday afternoon getting straight LOST in a corn field in south central Pennsylvania.
Maybe you and your family do this all the time so you’re like, “NBD,” but we usually just do laundry and go grocery shopping.
About 10 minutes into the corn maze at Maize Quest Fun Park our normally happy family of 5 turned into a grumpy, crying, hot mess. This was no fault of the park, nope, Luke and I and our stellar parenting skills were to blame. The good news for you is you get to learn from our errors and spend your next Saturday living it up in the corn maze of your choosing.
And now, the corn maze tips for families you have all been waiting for:
1. Go to the bathroom, guys. There aren’t bathrooms in the corn maze. If your kid is newly potty trained I suggest you jazz up the idea of a “Super Special, Extra Awesome Corn Maze Diaper!!!”
2. Stroller. We are idiots. Our punishment was carrying the following items in 80 degree weather (but I made us all wear fall clothes for the sake of photos) through the maze for an hour:
Mom Purse (weighs as much as Hollis)
Giant Metal Flag (in case we became hopeless)
It would have been real nice to unload all that crap into a stroller. Lesson learned.
3. Snacks/Water. Be very careful as you administer water rations (see point #1). It was hot during our journey through the corn and we had no water and we were wearing long sleeves and jeans because I’m awesome. The kids were absolutely dying of starvation and dehydration after 15 minutes. They let it be know in the following ways:
Spitting (seems like the dumbest thing to do when you’re thirsty but what do I know?)
Laying down in the dust
Yelling really loudly, “I can’t WALK anymore!”
Asking, over and over and over, “Do you have any water?” as if I have been holding out for fun
Telling strangers, “My dad is lost.” EVEN WHEN HE ISN’T.
4. Clothing. You should not wear cozy fall clothes when temps rival that of the surface of the sun. Even if it “looks cute.” Likewise, if it’s cold, don’t wear hoochie mama shorts. You will regret it and your date will not think your goose bumpy flesh is a good look.
5. Time. I thought we would be in the maze for 15 minutes total. Boy, was I wrong. Ask somebody who works there how long it takes to get through it. If the person you ask is a teenager, double whatever the time is because they don’t know anything about dragging 3 overworked, under watered offspring through the dirt and dust of a Pennsylvania farmers corn field, barefoot, uphill both ways.