soul searching

I had planned to post the recipe to my home made spaghetti sauce recipe today.  I really did.  But, life got away from me this week.  Well, more like for the last couple of weeks.  It has been a crazy summer here at the Alo household.  Honestly, it has been the busiest one I can remember.  In May, I was looking forward to all we had planned.  But, as the weeks went by I found myself thinking more along the lines of  ‘Ugh.  I am so ready for summer to be over.  I’m tired.  I just want it to be fall already.’  And, now it’s fall.  You know what? I wish I could go back and do it all again.  I wish I had spent less time wishing for the end and spent more time soaking up the sun.

I did some soul searching this week.  I thought a lot about my experiences in high school, my mission, my marriage, and I realized something.  I never enjoyed those moments while they were happening.  I enjoyed them afterwards.  I lived in Argentina for 18 months.  Argentina, guys.  That’s insane!  A 3rd world country with a completely different culture than what I was used to.  I had the opportunity to learn new things and savor every last bit of the latino style.  Did I? Somewhat.  But, I also spent a lot of time looking forward to going home.  I spent a lot of time missing Burger King and peanut butter.  I spent a lot of time worrying about what I would do after my mission and looking forward to my next steps in life.  Now when I look back, I kick myself for not living in the moment more.  Worrying did absolutely nothing for me, except cheat me of the experiences I could have been having.

The same goes with my marriage.  I look back on the past few years and think…’man, i am so lucky’.  But the thing is, through the last few years, I have spent the majority of my time wishing the next step would come faster.  Wishing that we had more money or that we could build a house.  I look through Anthropologie magazines and can’t wait until ‘we have enough money to buy all those things’.   How insane is that?  I have this gorgeous little girl, a wonderful husband, we have a steady job, good cars, a roof over our heads, loving family and friends.  But, all I can do is wish for other things.  Instead of being grateful for the things I have or the place I am in my life, I live for this imaginary perfect world that I have made up in my head.  The best part is, that world doesn’t exist.  There will never be a place that will make me happier than I am now.  There will never be a salary or money in the bank that will make me happier than I am now.  Why?  Because I determine my happiness.  I determine what my life is.  It isn’t dependent on a job or a home.  Its dependent on me.  *Queue epiphany*.

I don’t want to live like that anymore.  I don’t want to live for the future.  I want to live for the little moments like this and cherish them.

soulsearching:radmomcoolkid.com

So, instead of working on my spaghetti sauce post this week.  We did a whole lot more of this.

soulsearching:radmomcoolkid.com

And this.

soulsearching:radmomcoolkid.com

And this.

soulsearching:radmomcoolkid.com

And yes…. that is Lane dancing the Haka at Chalk the Block.

soulsearching:radmomcoolkid.com

So, even though I may not have it all, I am okay with it. Alright, I am learning to be okay with it. My goal is to  live in each moment and love each moment, to stop comparing my life to others, to be grateful for all the wonderful things that surround me.  It is a super hard goal for me, but I refuse to stand in the way of my happiness again.

……But yes, at some point I definitely will post the spaghetti sauce recipe.  Don’t worry.

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Comments

  1. I think we are all guilty of doing this, it’s so easy to look to the future and forget to live in the present. Then we look back and wonder where the time went, why it went so fast. Good for you for recognizing it and taking the time to have fun and enjoy the present

Rad Mom Cool Kid

Rad Mom Cool Kid